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50+ Best Funny Quotes and Sayings to share

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Funny Quotes

50+ Best Funny Quotes and Sayings to share 

 Funny quotes and sayings

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”– Abraham Lincoln

“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”– Abraham Lincoln

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”– Abraham Lincoln

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”– Al McGuire

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”– Alan Dundes

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”– Albert Camus

Also Read: Deep Love Images and Quotes

 Funny Quotes

Funny inspirational quotes

“Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.”

“A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.”

“Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.”

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”– Albert Einstein

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”– Albert Einstein

“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.”– Alexander Woollcott

Also Read: Cute and Romantic Love Quotes for Her

Funny Quotes

“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”– Ambrose Bierce

“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.”– Andy Borowitz

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”– Andy Rooney

“At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”– Ann Landers

“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”– Ann Landers

“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”– Ashleigh Brilliant

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”– Ashleigh Brilliant

Also Read: Happy Anniversary Images, Wishes

 Funny Quotes

Funny quotes about life

“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”– Benjamin Franklin

“I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.”

“Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said.”

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.”

“Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.”

Also Read: Valentine day Images and quotes 

Funny Quotes

Funny quotes

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”– Benjamin Franklin

“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”– Benny Hill

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”– Bernard Baruch

“Most people would sooner die than think in fact, they do so.”– Bertrand Russell

“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”– Bertrand Russell

“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”– Betty White

“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”– Bill Maher

Also Read: Happy Family Quotes Sayings and Images

Funny Quotes

“If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.”– Bill Vaughan

“Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of large research staff to study the problem.”– Bill Vaughan

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”– Bill Watterson

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”– Billy Connolly

“I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”– Billy Connolly

Also Read: 30+ Beautiful Flower Quotes and Sayings

 Funny Quotes

Funny senior quotes

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.”

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”– Billy Sunday

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”– Billy Wilder

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”– Bob Hope

“Inside me, there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”– Bob Thaves

 Also Read: Happy married life Quotes

 Funny Quotes

“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”– Bryan White

“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”– Buddy Hackett

“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”– Carl Sagan

“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”– Caroline Rhea

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”– Casey Stengel

“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”– Charles de Gaulle

 

Also Read: Happy Chocolate day 2020

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Quotes

Heart Quotes | Heart Touching ,Broken Quotes & Images

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Heart Quotes

Heart Quotes

“A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge”. -Thomas Carlyle

“A gentle heart is tied with an easy thread”. -George Herbert

“The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing”. -Blaise Pascal

“The heart’s memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good”. -Gabriel Garcia Marquez

“A loving heart is the truest wisdom”. -Charles Dickens

Heart Quotes

Also Read: Deep Love Images and Quotes

“The joyful heart sees and reads the world with a sense of freedom and graciousness”. -John O’Donohue

“The heart will break, but broken live on”. -Lord Byron

Tears come from the heart and not from the brain. – Leonardo da Vinci

“A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles”. – Washington Irving

“Deep in every heart slumbers a dream, and the couturier knows it: every woman is a princes”s. – Christian Dior

Heart Quotes

Also Read: Valentine day Images and quotes 

Quotes on Heart

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye”. – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain”. – Emily Dickinson

“If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment”. – Carlos Santana

“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul, daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart”. – Mahatma Gandhi

“To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer”. – Mahatma Gandhi

Heart Quotes

Also Read: Love Status for Facebook and Whatsapp

“The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness”. – Honore de Balzac

“Home is where the heart is”. – Pliny the Elder

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. – Oscar Wilde

“You change your life by changing your heart”. – Max Lucado

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year”. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals”. – Immanuel Kant

Heart Touching Quotes

“Do your work with your whole heart, and you will succeed there’s so little competition”. – Elbert Hubbard

“There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart”. – Jane Austen

“When you follow your heart, you’re never supposed to do things because of what you think people might say. You do it for the opposite reasons”. – will.i.am

“The mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom”. -Henry Ward Beecher

“A heart can no more be forced to love than a stomach can be forced to digest food by persuasion”. -Alfred Nobel

Heart Quotes

Also Read: Crush Quotes For Him or Her and Images

“If you go deeper and deeper into your own heart, you’ll be living in a world with less fear, isolation and loneliness”. -Sharon Salzberg

“You do have to follow your heart, otherwise you’re living a false life”. -Eric Mabius

“A heart well prepared for adversity in bad times hopes, and in good times fears for a change in fortune”. -Horace

“A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets”. -Gloria Stuart

“And the heart that is soonest awake to the flowers is always the first to be touched by the thorns”. -Thomas Moore

Heart Quotes

Also Read: Cute and Romantic Love Quotes for Her

“The human heart, at whatever age, opens only to the heart that opens in return”. -Maria Edgeworth

“An offended heart is the breeding ground of deception”. -John Bevere

“There are strings in the human heart that had better not be vibrated”. -Charles Dickens

“Whatever it is your heart desires, please go for it, it’s yours to have”. -Gloria Estefan

“There never was any heart truly great and generous, that was not also tender and compassionate”. -Robert Frost

 

Heart Broken Quotes

“Stab the body and it heals, but injure the heart and the wound lasts a lifetime.” – Mineko Iwasaki

“Don’t you EVER break someone’s heart, because they only have one. Break their bones, they have 206 of those!” – Jayy Von Monroe

“I’ve been heartbroken. I’ve broken hearts. That’s part of life, and its part of figuring out who you are so you can find the right partner.” – Heidi Klum

“Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don’t.” – Stephen King

“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” – Khalil Gibran

Heart Quotes

Also Read: Deep Love Images and Quotes to Express your Love

“Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime.” – Bette Davis

“The saddest thing about love is that not only that it cannot last forever, but that heartbreak is soon forgotten.” – William Faulkner

“Love is harder drug to quit, but it is even harder when it is taken away.” – Ashleyy

“There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream — whatever that dream might be.” – Pearl S. Buck

“Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.”– Alphonse de Lamartine

Heart Quotes

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“Then his heart, now broken into a thousand pieces, slowly began to turn to ice.” – Morgan Rhodes, Falling Kingdoms

“Heartbreak could be lived with if it weren’t accompanied by regret”

“Heartbreak could be lived with if it weren’t accompanied by regret.” – Laura Kasischke

“There will be a time when you are forced to follow your heart away from someone you love.”– Ashley Lorenzana

“Has someone made you heartbroken? Then, why are you still thinking of him?” – Debra K. Messer

Also Read: Happy Anniversary Images, Wishes, and Messages

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Quotes

Happy Marriage Anniversary Quotes, Messages and Images

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Anniversary Quotes

Anniversary Quotes

“Forever is a long time, but I wouldn’t mind spending it by your side.”- Unknown

“The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” -Julia Child

“I just want you to know, that when I picture myself happy, it’s with you.” -Unknown

“In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never not thinking of you.” -Virginia Woolf

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”. -Mignon McLaughlin

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“Warm wishes to you on your marriage milestone”.

“Here’s to another love-filled year together”.

“Every day, continue to love each other more and more”.

“Dos. Deux. Duo. However you say it, this day is about you two”.

“Best wishes to the best couple I know”.

Also Read: Happy Fathers Day Images

“This special day is reserved just for you”.

“Skip the dress and tux, and enjoy some cake in the comfort of each other’s company. Happy Anniversary”!

“Love grows more tremendously full, swift, poignant, as the years multiply.” -Zane Grey

“In a sea of people, my eyes will always search for you.” -Unknown

“Our anniversary is just a momentary celebration, but our marriage is a timeless one.” -Unknown

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“I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things.” -John Green

“I’m much more me when I’m with you.” -Unknown

“I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there’s a life after that, I’ll love you then”. -Cassandra Clare

“The couples that are ‘meant to be’ are the ones who go through everything that is meant to tear them apart and come out even stronger than they were before.” -Unknown

“I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.” -Angelita Lim

 

Anniversary Quotes & Messages For Husband

 

“I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.” – Angelita Lim

“For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” – Catherine Zeta-Jones

“The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” – Julia Child

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” – Emily Bronte

“Happy Anniversary, with all my love, to the strongest, kindest, funniest, best guy I know”.

Also Read: Happy Mother’s day Images

“How lucky am I to have a man like you in my life? Here’s to many more years of love and happiness together”.

“You’re the man of my dreams”.

“Our love is not about how many days, months, or years we’ve been together. To me, our anniversary is about how much I love you every single day”.

“To the man I’d say yes to over and over again”.

“I feel saddened for those who have never had the joy of loving you”.

Anniversary Quotes & Messages For Wife

“I am one of the few lucky men in this world who can say that my best friend, girlfriend and wife are the same woman”.

“May the rest of our lives always be like our first anniversary — exciting, youthful and hopelessly romantic”.

“Through all of life’s mountaintops and valleys, I’m so blessed to be able to share this roller coaster of life with you”.

“One year has passed, but I will never forget that moment in my life when you said YES. You make my life complete”!

“It is not very often that a fairytale romance turns out to be a perfect marriage as well. That is what I have found with you”.

Also Read: Happy Birthday Images All New HD Pictures

“It doesn’t matter whether we always agree or not. What matters is that I love you and you love me”.

“You are a strong, capable and beautiful woman. You thoroughly impress everyone you meet. I’m so proud to be able to call you my wife”.

“Marrying you was the smartest thing I ever did”.

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever.” -Nicholas Sparks

“Every moment, from romantic dinners to simple walks in the park, is pure magic! Thank you for filling my life with joy for the past five years”.

 

Romantic Anniversary Quotes

“There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” -Martin Luther

“‘Cause all of me loves all of you, loves your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me, I’ll give my all to you. You’re my end and my beginning, even when I lose I’m winning.” -John Legend

“In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.” -Maya Angelou

“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.” -Simone Signoret

“You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known and even that is an understatement.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Also Read: Christmas day Images 

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” -Judy Garland

“I wish there was a word more than ‘love’ itself to convey what I feel for you.” -Faraaz Kazi

“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” -Jalal ad-Din Rumi

“Forever is a measure of time used by people who share an ordinary love. Our extraordinary love is immeasurable for us, forever just won’t do.” -Steve Maraboli

 

 

Anniversary Quotes & Messages For Friends

“Warm anniversary wishes to two dear friends who mean so much.”

“The two of you have your own reasons to celebrate on your anniversary, and as your friend, I have so many reasons to celebrate you both.”

“It’s so cool that two of my favorite people are married to each other. Here’s to [two] great years and many more!”

“Anyone can fall in love, but not everyone can stay in love happy anniversary”!

“Sometimes your marriage is slow like Waltz, sometimes it is peppy like Salsa, sometimes it is hot like Tango and sometimes it is soulful like Jazz — cheers to the couple who can dance to any rhythm of life”.

Also Read: Valentine day Images and quotes 

“For some couples, being perfect means being flawless. But for a beautiful one like you, being perfect means accepting each other’s flaws”. Happy anniversary

“Congratulations on your anniversary! Many best wishes and blessings as you continue walking life’s paths hand-in-hand and heart-in-heart”.

“Anniversaries are reminders of the promises that couples have fulfilled in the past, the ones they are making in the present and those that are in store for the future. Cherish this milestone date and make yet another beautiful promise as you celebrate your wedding anniversary”.

“Like wine, marriage can be sweet or bitter, intense or mellow, flat or acidic. But a couple like you enjoys all its flavors, whether dull or romantic”.

“You two are so great to know and be around. Can you adopt me?”

Also Read: Crush Quotes For Him or Her and Images

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Quotes

Hard Work Quotes That Will Help You Succeeding in Life

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Hard Work Quotes

Hard Work Quotes

“To achieve what 1% of the world’s population has, you must be willing to do what only 1% dares to do.” – Manoj Arora

“Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained in sudden flight but, they while their companions slept, they were toiling upwards in the night.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“If your dream is a big dream, and if you want your life to work on the high level you say you do, there’s no way around doing the work it takes to get you there”. – Joyce Chapman

Hard Work Quotes

Also Read: Trust Quotes That Will Help You Build Strong Relationship

“Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” – Abraham Lincoln

“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.” – Barack Obama

“Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You…Be Free…Share.” – Steve Maraboli

Hard Work Quotes

Also Read: Best Kindness Quotes | Random Acts of Kindness Quotes

“This is the real secret of life – to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.” – Alan Watts

“Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.” – Stephen King

“What you don’t sweat out when you’re young will turn into tears when you’re old.” – Japanese Proverb

“Working hard is not just something you do, it’s something you embody on the inside and out”.

Hard Work Quotes

Also Read: Quotes About Being Strong when Life is hard and Tough

“The three great essentials to achieve anything worthwhile are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense.” – Thomas A. Edison

“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.” – Beverly Sills

“Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time, who never loses any. It is wonderful how much may be done, if we are always doing.” – Thomas Jefferson

“Inspiration is the windfall from hard work and focus. Muses are too unreliable to keep on the payroll.” – Helen Hanson

Also Read: 45+ Best Karma Quotes and Karma Sayings | Bad Karma Quotes

Motivational Hard Work Quotes

 

“Either you run the day or the day runs you.”-Jim Rohn

“I’m a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” -Thomas Jefferson

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too”. -Paulo Coelho

“Don’t wish it were easier. Wish you were better.” -Jim Rohn

Hard Work Quotes

Also Read: 50 Motivational Greatness Quotes for Achieving success in Life

“Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves.” -Dale Carnegie

“Developing a good work ethic is key. Apply yourself at whatever you do, whether you’re a janitor or taking your first summer job because that work ethic will be reflected in everything you do in life.” -Tyler Perry

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work”. -Thomas Edison

“You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction.” -George Lorimer

Hard Work Quotes

Also Read: Peace Quotes, Inner Peace Quotes & World Peace Quotes and Sayings

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” -Robert Louis Stevenson

“Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.” -Dalai Lama

“Leadership is more than just being able to cross the t’s and dot the i’s. It’s about character and integrity and work ethic.” – Steven Largent

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” -Henry Ford

Also Read: Depression Quotes and motivational sayings 2020

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